Day 45, Aug 13 (Friday the), Buhler, KS.
Though I have experienced it many times before, it still takes me by surprise when a really good day follows a bad one. Yesterday was so tough from the beginning. After 4 consecutive longer days in the high heat, and in Kansas, humidity, my get up and go had gotten up and went. My body and mind were (literally) fried. Today though, flew easily by topping out at 81 degrees, much of it in the 70’s while riding, and cloud cover with fairy drizzlings of cooling rain. I felt like I could do two days in one. The scenery cooperated too, riding by wildlife refuges and vast, contoured grassy scapes that drew you in and made you want to see what was around the next bend. Yes, there were bends in the road again, and rolling hills. Its evening now, and as I write I can’t wait to get out again tomorrow for another 6+ hr ride. While yesterday, I was so toasted I was moving and thinking as if through sludge. And to add to the unpredictability, today I started almost in the dark and it was raining, got lost in Great Bend, and rode the first two hours into a headwind. (BTW, headwinds on a stand-up running bike are no joke!)
In endeavors outside endurance sports, I find the same truth: one day does not predict the next - good and bad can cycle unpredictably. Our best strategy often is to adopt Paul’s insight that he knows need, and he knows plenty, but he has learned how to be content with both (paraphrase of letter to the Phillipians, in ch 4). Also, Lao Tzu’s advice that if you are in a difficult circumstance or space, “wash your bowl” ( that is, do what you need to do that is right before you). Adapting this guidance to my trek might mean, I know disabling heat and I know enabling comfort, and learn to be content in both. Also, if its a hard day, put one foot down and then the other. Then repeat. Keep the end in mind and take steps toward it. Focus and grind. Feelings and circumstances can and will change.
So it is in recovery. There will be good days and bad. Learning to accept both and keeping the end in mind can be very hard when it is the mind itself that is disabled by the disease. Learning to trust others, family, friends, and professionals, and lean on your support is critical to keeping focused and continuing to grind out one step at a time. Community matters.
Above are pictures of two fields that were side by side, separated only by a dirt road. Sometimes we feel like, or see others as, the empty dirt stubble field. Actually, if we really see the potential in others and ourselves, we are all the verdant green field. Of the approximately 100 billion people that have ever lived, you truly are, and your neighbor truly is, one of a kind, the only to ever be. And, get this, we all have that in common. We are connected through that. Unique, yet one. That puts judging others into a different light I think. Can you see the rich green fields all about you?
Addiction is a treatable brain disease that disables decision-making.
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